


Just One More Cut

by DedicatedEve



Category: Emmerdale
Genre: M/M, robron - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-23
Updated: 2015-03-28
Packaged: 2018-03-19 05:55:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3598902
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DedicatedEve/pseuds/DedicatedEve
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Aaron can barely live with his guilt and with each torturous passing day weighs down on Aaron until the point when he can't stand to hold it anymore. Robert's own guilt is surfacing with each day he sees Aaron slowly break. Eventually neither can live with it separately and with the decision of losing everything to only gain one big thing is tearing Robert's mind bit by bit until the inevitable happens. It is then Robert makes the decision than could change his life for the better or for worse.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Dark Unknown

**Author's Note:**

> Aaron is in a depressive state pondering to self-harm again and possible suicide attempt so if you don't want to read this bit then you can skip to chapter 5 when I release it as it is about Robert and Aaron as an individual/a couple and acceptance of guilt and who they are from then on.

"Why? Why again?" Aaron repetitively contemplated the current tragedy that was, what he believed to be, his fault whilst sunken against his bedroom wall in the Woolpack surrounded by darkness. He felt it comfortable as though it was the only way to escape this harsh reality.

"...I-I didn't mean any harm, I swear I didn't, I just…I just wanted people to know. I couldn't take it anymore all the sneaking around and it wasn't like he would've been outed then left with the criticism and judgement. I would've been there for him to support him." Aaron took a deep breathe in. "I just wanted people to know, to know about us; Robert and I." Not a single word passed his lips but they were swirling around his brain. Aaron accepted he killed Jackson, if not through assisting his suicide, but through the phone call to Jackson that caused him to swerve off the bridge and land on the train tracks. Jackson might not have died then but his spirit and self-respect certainly did. To this day, Aaron still holds himself to blame. Carrying the guilt of killing one person every single day without sharing to anyone can cause severe damage to their mentality but now Aaron had to carry the guilt of killing TWO people. He can still feel the shame from people's eyes fixated upon him just by thinking about Jackson's death. At least this time he could share the guilt with one person but that person hasn't spoken to him, well, not properly anyway, not the way Aaron needed.

"How will I ever be able to look Andy the eyes let alone speak to him again?" More questions started to circulate his thoughts. The more questions he asked himself the worse his mental state became. By this point, Chas had phoned Paddy to come around and asked Moira to take over the bar for a few moments so she could check in on Aaron since she has noticed he has started to show symptoms of relapsing into his previous case - the state he was in after Jackson - thinking he must feel like she has sprung whole amounts of pressure on him after Katie's death.

Chas had planned her and Paddy to have a small talk with Aaron in the back room of the pub. Just the three of them. She had made her way to the top of the stairs just outside Aaron's bedroom and gently chapped the door to get Aaron's attention. Her knocking startled Aaron as the real world had physically grabbed a hold of him and dragged him back to face his problems.

"Aaron, love, care to come down stairs it's just I'd like to have a chat with you. A little mother-to-son get together, you up for it?" Chas tried to hide her concern in her voice whilst asking Aaron to make him feel more relaxed about the suggestion but Aaron was having none of it. He just simply tried to ignore her thinking she would give up but, like any other loving mother, Chas was persistent with getting her son to confide in her so as the silence grew longer between them she grabbed the handle of the door and nudged it open only to be met with the chest of drawers Aaron had placed earlier to prevent anyone from entering.

Aaron snapped ferociously "Just do one!" and without any hesitation Chas retreated back downstairs and slumped down onto the sofa in complete and utter silence awaiting Paddy whom she had clung onto for hope because he was the only one Aaron could confide in, well, from her sons point of view. Chas would be lying if she said she didn't feel the slightest hint of jealousy when seeing how comfortable Aaron was around Paddy when discussing personal stuff. 

About 15 minutes later Paddy had finally arrived at the Woolpack and found a deflated Chaz sprawled along the sofa staring up at the plain, jagged ceiling. 

"What's he done now?" Paddy asked innocently

"That's the problem. I don't know. He won't tell me anything and for the past few nights he's been shutting himself away in his room. I've tried everything I even thought we'd have a family talk, just the three of us, to make him feel more at ease with whatever is going on in that thick skull of his." Chas spat out in return to Paddy.

"I presume he isn't all up for it then?"

"No..." Chas paused and hesitated over her next thought. "What if Katie's death is messing with him like what Gemma's death did to Belle?" Chas then looked from the ceiling to directly towards Paddy looking for a hopeful reply

"Listen, Chas, it is different with Belle because Belle did actually kill Gemma by accident when Aaron had nothing to do with Katie's death so do bother getting your knickers in a twist over something that's probably nothing."

"No I know that I just remember him saying to me on...that day 'I hate seeing you like this' then I asked him to be strong for me but what if i had put to much pressure on him. He's only 23, Paddy, and look at all the heartbreak he's already lived through."

"Do you want me to have a go at speaking to him? To try and talk him down. May-maybe we could set up the play station for him or would Diane mind?" Paddy thought the play station would ease Aaron during the talk but doubted it was the right thing to do especially with the atmospherics surrounding both Chas and Aaron as well as Diane. Katie's death was one of the rare deaths that affected the entire village; a stranger could drive through and instantly feel a sorrowful tension.

"Diane's been spending most her time up at Robert's so I doubt she will even notice so if you think it will bring him down then go for it." Chas had lost all hope by this point and quite frankly was starting to get fed up with everything.

Without any further delay, Paddy walked straight up the stairs and stopped dead on his tracks right in front of Aaron's room. Paddy never realised how unprepared he was until now. An image of Aaron lying on his bed spread out with blood dripping from his wrists just flashed into his eyes and at that very moment Paddy barged right into his bedroom knocking the chest of drawers onto the ground with the light from the hall burning the darkened room and blinding a startled Aaron.

"WHAT THE HELL, PADDY?!" Aaron shouted as he leapt to his feet.

"Your mums really worried and I just-" Paddy stopped mid sentence so he didn't blurt out anything that could trigger Aaron to really self harm, "Chas asked me round for a kind of family night...thing. I was just going to grab your play station so we could play racing games if that's alright with you?" He waited for Aaron's reply wearing a clownish grin.

"Oh, okay, so my mum checks in on me then when I tell her to piss off you just so happen to come around for a 'family' night when I know for a fact you and Rhona are struggling with Leo and his toddler tantrums at the moment so surely she wouldn't be particularly pleased if you left her on her own to play stupid party games. You can do one as well, Paddy!" Aaron vindictively howled at a shocked Paddy.

"Don't be like that, Aaron. We just want to help you-" 

"Listen, Paddy" Aaron spoke softer after realising his words clearly hurt Paddy, "I don't need help I just need time alone so can you please just leave me be?" Aaron pleaded 

Paddy couldn't argue with Aaron when he was in such a vulnerable state so he carefully closed the door but just before he did so a guilty Aaron asked "maybe we could go for a drink tomorrow during lunchtime if that's alright with you?"

"Yeah that'd be great" and with a small smile to reassure Aaron Paddy closed the door, blocking the light from the hall once again, before heading down to rejoin Chas.

As Paddy informed Chas who was now frantically pacing up I and down the length of the living room downstairs, Aaron returned to the position he was in before Paddy had forced his way in, cradling his knees leant up against a wall. He remained in that position for a good hour or so just hoping that his external darkness would swallow him up, just hoping it would take him somewhere else where he wouldn't have to deal with any single part of this mess. If the eclipse were to ingest him then he wouldn't have to worry about his mum or Andy. He wouldn't even have to see Robert and Chrissie and he especially wouldn't have to worry about himself. 

Meanwhile, Paddy is comforting a distressed Chas. "what normal human being sits in a pitch black room themselves? We're losing him Paddy and I don't think I can do it again. I don't think HE can go thought that again." Chas bawls out taking heavy, deep breathes whilst Paddy rocks her.

"Don't get yourself this worked up. He needs you to be strong just as much as you need him. You both are each other's rock he's just in a sensitive state right now." Paddy let's silence fall between them to allow Chas to calm down but after a few minutes after Chas has stopped sobbing he added "besides, Aaron asked me for a drink tomorrow lunchtime for a chat so it can't be that bad." 

Chas sat up right on the couch and gazed into Paddy's eyes "thank you, Paddy, but you're wrong. Aaron doesn't need me to be strong he needs the both of us and I can never be more grateful for your continued support throughout these years." Chas smiled genuinely up at Paddy which was the first time since Katie's death then continued "you best be off now to see to baby Leo." 

"Yeah I suppose you're right but just to be clear I didn't just walk over here I did talk it through with Rhona first and she was completely fine with it. Just thought I'd state that before any allegations." Paddy looked up at the ceiling jokingly towards Aaron's room when saying that last sentence. "I'll see you tomorrow then." 

"See ya, Paddy."

Back in Aaron's room he heard Paddy and Chas exchange goodbyes reminding him leaving Robert and Katie at Wylie's farm "I shouldn't have left him alone with her..." He exclaimed under his breathe "if I stayed there then maybe I could have helped to catch her and then maybe she'd still be alive" and with that last thought tears fell down Aaron's cheek.

Chas's smile soon vanished as she closed the back door after Paddy left and glanced up the stairs "please stay strong, baby." She whispered before returning to the kitchen to make herself a cup of tea. She couldn't stop herself from feeling anxious about tomorrow though something just didn't seem to sit right with her.


	2. Just Do One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Indications of self-harm in beginning until chapter 5

The following morning Aaron had awoken groggily at 8:00am. He tired himself from thinking about Jackson, Katie, Robert in a continuous loop although any bit of sleep he did manage to get was restless. Every night for the past 4 days guilt has been taking over Aaron's attitude and mannerisms almost like Aaron was just a metal robot shell and guilt was the master behind him. He knew the longer he kept the truth to himself then the further he will become from salvation, yet, no matter how much Aaron craved for the guilt to be swept away he still couldn't face telling the people closest to him the truth because of one thing. Robert. Aaron knew Robert would probably turn his back on him for good if the truth did come out and he isn't strong enough to handle rejection from Robert, well, not in his current mental state at least, especially as Robert is the only other person that is feeling similarly. If this was the only thing stringing them together then so be it.

Aaron was not in the fit state to go to work but giving the lack of motivation the past fortnight he knew he had to go in - to make it up to Adam if anything. He raised his body to a sitting position on his bed dangling his legs lazily over the side to place on his slippers. Aaron knew he had to find the energy to face his mum and Diane this morning quickly so he scuffed his way to the bathroom and faced mirror. He lurched over the sink with his arms at either sued supporting his body weight but it took him 10 minutes to find the strength to look at his reflection in the mirror. 

"He's right. You are pathetic. Look at the mess you've made and for what? You let your guard down and now you love some jumped up prick! He never deserved you. You would've known that if you'd fucking listen to mum!" Tiny droplets were marking the mirror as Aaron sprayed venom at his reflection. He halted his rage as he realised what he was actually doing. He hasn't experienced anything like this before not even with Jackson. He felt almost as though his mind had left his body and all that was left behind was a sub conscience outer shell. Aaron became uneasy from the thought and quickly splashed water on his face to calm him down before Chas found him like this. He then rushed back into his bedroom and threw on the usual; a black t-shirt and hoodie with his grey jogging bottoms to go out for a run before work. 

Chas and Diane were casually talking whilst having breakfast at the table but Diane could tell there was something else Chas was wanting to discuss. "What's wrong, pet?"

"That's the problem I don't know what is wrong."

"What do you mean?" Diane put down her spoonful of cornflakes to put full concentration on Chas.

"Aaron has been acting really distant lately and last night I found him sitting in his gloomy bedroom in complete silence he never even had the lights on. It was creepy, Diane. I just want him to be happy. The past couple months I saw the genuine smiles and laughs from him which he hasn't done since Jackson. I thought we got him back but now, if we had got him back, we've lost him again. I just wish he'd tell me what's wrong." This time it was Chas who was fighting back the tears.

"Maybe this is his own way with dealing with Katie's death, like us with Andy, you'll just have to remind him you're there for him and give him time. He could also possibly be feeling empathy after Andy at the quarry."

"Yeah I suppose, sorry about spilling my problems onto you when you've got Andy to worry about. I should've been more sensitive."

"Don't be daft. It makes a difference now and then. I feel all I ever do is discuss Andy so talking about someone else is refreshing I presume."

"How is Andy?" 

"He's like the living dead. He's breathing and moving but his personality has just disappeared, died."

"If you don't mind me asking, Diane, why is he staying up at Home Farm instead of here?"

"He just wants to keep out of the village for a while. I don't think he's up to seeing everyone or hearing their condolences."

"But with Robert though? Katie hated Robert and now Andy's living with him. It just doesn't seem fair on Katie." Chas is now heating up with her grieve.

"That was just between Katie and Robert after their past and after the fights between him and Andy he has really stepped up, besides, this could be opportunity they both need to accept and support each other as brothers."

"After everything he has done to Katie as well as others I don't think it's right he gets to be painted as a Saint." Katie's death has only worsened Chas's dis-likening for Robert. 

"You can't dwell on the past, Chas." Diane too is getting riled up with the conversation. "If we all judged someone by their past then just you think of Aaron's position then!" Diane then grabbed her bowl of cereal and marched to the bar before she ranted any further. 

As Aaron was making his way downstairs he was quietly and stealthily trying to dodge the good morning from his mum who was now nursing her cup of tea on the settee and exit through the back door but, seeing as Aaron wasn't having any luck recently, the second last step creaks alerting Chas to Aaron's sudden arise from his cave. Unfortunately for Aaron this now meant he had to fake a smile from the energy he was trying to find in the bathroom just to reassure his mum, although, he doubted his acting was going to work since he can't reassure himself let alone anyone else.

"Aaron? Wait a minute, love, I wanna talk to you." Chas got up from the table and called out to the porch. 

Aaron slowly opens the door to prepare himself for the confrontation with an eager smile, maybe too eager. "I was just going out for my morning run, mum."

"Yeah, I was just wondering how you're feeling this morning?" A hopeful smile approaches Chas's face but Aaron can read the worry in her eyes.

"I'm fine, mum" the two words every parent hates.

Chas knew that wasn't the case. Normally she'd leave Aaron be but not this time not after last night. "You're fine?" Chas's tone changed which Aaron picked up instantly resulting in him rolling his eyes and lean against the open doorway preparing himself for the lecture that is soon to follow. "How can you be 'fine' after last night, Aaron? You locked yourself in a pitch black room like you were hiding from the bond raids during the war. That wasn't healthy, Aaron."

"It might not have been healthy but it still helped me."

"I know you're worried about something I'm your mum you don't need to be scared to tell me anything just please tell me what's going on in your head." Her tone became more sympathetic verging on pleading.

"You've got enough on your plate right now you don't need my problems as well. Listen, James is taking you out for lunch later so just go and have fun, alright?"

"No, Aaron. You've practically admitted there is something wrong James can wait, after all, he does have Ross as a son."

"No, mum!" Aaron snapped at Chas leaving her startled.

Hesitantly Chas surrendered before their argument heightened. "Alright son but remember you're more important to me than anyone else, yeah?"

Aaron nodded slightly with a smirk to comfort Chas. "yeah I know. Can I go for my run now?"

"Of course." Chas returned the smirk before watching Aaron jog off into the distance.

Aaron had just started to get into his faster pace to run as he bumped into a hurried Paddy who gave the impression he was late for an appointment indicated by the untidied pile the equipment were stacked in the back of the jeep. "Do you need some help with that?" Aaron offered.

"No need I've got everything I'm just late for a date with a goat. Where you off to?"

"I'm just on my morning run before work. I hope Rhona doesn't mind about this date?" Aaron didn't understand why but he felt far more at ease when talking to Paddy compared to the conversation with his mum earlier.

"It's a secret affair so keep quiet. No the goat is pregnant so I'm late for the appointment, anyway, you seem cheerier this morning." Aaron's hands twitched at the mention of "secret affair" and a sudden wave of guilt brushed over him.

Aaron shook the guilt off trying to convince Paddy nothing was wrong. "Yeah I just needed some fresh air the past few weeks haven't been easy I guess." He ended his performance with a slight laugh. It didn't take much to convince Paddy this round.

"That's good to hear. I've goat to be going now but are you still up for lunch in the pub."

"Only if you stop with those terrible puns." 

"Alright, see you later." 

"See ya." Aaron stepped back from the drive way to allow Paddy drive out and away out of sight. 

Aaron continued his run but had to cut it short because time was running faster and he didn't want to be late for work at the scrapyard again after his and Adams previous drama. It was 8.45am now so he only had 15 minutes to get dressed into appropriate wear but lucky for him that just meant he had to switch his jogging bottoms for his working trousers. He never had time to make himself toast so decided to nip to the cafe for a large cup of Cafe au Lait coffee which he had grown to like after his stay in France. 

Aaron reached the scrapyard only 5minutes late yet -beep beep- went his phone as he was standing right outside the port-a-cabin. *Mate, where are you?* Aaron took a deep breath and thought to himself, "he better not be in this authoritative mood all day." He walked up the steps and opened the door. "I am here."

"You're five minutes late. We're supposed to be professionals you can't just turn up whenever you want, Aaron."

"It was five minutes, Adam. Take a chill pill alright." 

"Aaron we've already been over this. We have to give it all we've got you can't decide whether you want to work or not."

"My mum was lecturing me again this morning that's why I was held up so can you get off your high horse, Adam, because we're both equal partners in this business!" Aaron had lost all his patience with today and it was only 9:05am. He stormed back down the steps straight to the haulage truck Jimmy was letting out to them.

"Aaron where are you going? I didn't mean to have a go I w-" 

Before Adam could finish Aaron interrupted, "I'm taking the scrap we have to the scrap dealer!" Aaron soon realised he was being harsh with Adam so brought his tone down. As he opened the door to the truck he paused and balanced on the raised step. He turned round to face Adam, "When I come back I'll be going for lunch in the pub with Paddy if you need me, alright?"

"Cool…." Adam has been Aaron's best mate for years and his instincts were telling him something was wrong.

\--------------------

Aaron had hoped he'd be back by now from the scrap dealer but the documentation he had to complete and sign for their reward was endless it reminded him why he sneakily avoided meetings with most contractors leaving Adam to deal with them. He had arrived there 9:25am and only now at 10:15am was he able to leave. It wasn't even midday yet but Aaron was fed up with the day already the only thing persuading him to stick with work was Adam and Paddy. 

Aaron was contemplating on the journey back how much he hated meaning something to someone because, from his experience, that always lead to misery. The thought lingered in a far darker direction than Aaron was intending so he promptly dug his grip onto the open car window tightly to fight against the somber notion. Aaron recognised he had to tell someone soon knowing he was becoming weaker and weaker the longer he ignored it. This lunch with Paddy couldn't come quick enough.

\-------

Paddy was finishing off one of his regular check-ups with Zelda the Persian cat when Aaron popped by to walk with him to the pub. He couldn't stand sitting there waiting anxiously to confess everything, mostly, to Paddy with his mum watching his every move. 

"You're early it's only twenty to eleven. Does Adam know your skiving?"

"I'm not skiving, and yes, Adam does know so if he needs me he knows where to find me, okay?" Aaron replies in a rather condescending tone.

"You don't need to be like that I was only joking. I take it was a rough start to the day?"

"I'll tell you over lunch if we ever get there that is."

"Alright, Mr Grumpy, can you just wait for a bit not all of us can take a break whenever we feel like it some of us have to fit around others."

Paddy's playful name calling rang in Aaron's ears. Aaron's guard was failing him; his voice clearly wasn't hiding the deadbeat tone lurking underneath his breath. No matter how much he tried Aaron couldn't disguise how drained he was inside and out. The time had come to share his troubles with Paddy.

As they entered The Woolpack, Paddy chose to sit at one of the booths at the side of the bar. They positioned themselves facing each other with Aaron with his back to the wall and him facing the door to exit. Firstly they ordered their drinks. Aaron ordered his usual - a pint - to relax him before confessing the truth, what felt like his admission to hospital, to Paddy and a diet coke for Paddy as he couldn't drink since he had to return to work afterwards.

Surprisingly, Aaron hadn't noticed at first but the tension grew more powerful the longer he sat. The tension from Andy drinking himself senseless with his back facing Aaron and Paddy distressed Aaron. The tension from his mum constantly glancing over for a signal from Paddy irritated him. The tension was choking Aaron but he grinned and bared it until they wandered in. Robert and Chrissie. They swooned hand and hand over to the bar awaiting Chas to register their presence. The beaming smiles worn on their faces turned Aaron's stomach - specifically Robert's. Aaron squirmed in his seat as his heart shattered into more pieces the longer he glared. 

"Well…how was this morning?" Paddy pushed Aaron for conversation but when his question was ignored he gently nudged Aaron's legs with his foot.

"What, urm, yeah it was just dead boring with paperwork that's all." Aaron couldn't focus on Paddy his concentration was too busy fixated on the two love birds now sitting by the entrance. His body temperature began climbing as the harassment from Andy's, Chas's and Robert's presence negated him yet even though he knew this was the time to share his secret to Paddy this wasn't the place to do so. He felt trapped in the corner of the pub. 

Paddy was blathering on about nothing as usual which Aaron learnt to drone out. He wanted to run to the back room with Paddy but couldn't otherwise Chas would dig her nose in it and he doesn't have the willpower for her to know yet. Fortunately for Aaron, James arrived in a freshly ironed striped red shirt tucked into his jeans awaiting to pick up Chas for their lunch date. 

Before Chas's left she hoped over to Aaron. "Are you two okay?"

"Yeah now stop fussing remember what I told you this morning?!" The quicker the response the quicker she would leave he figured.

"Have fun you two." As Chas was about to walk off with James she winked at Paddy with her back to Aaron hoping he wouldn't see her. 

Now she was gone and Diane took over at the bar Aaron seen and took his opportunity to escape the crowded room into his living room. 

"Where you going now we've barely had anytime to talk like you prom-" Paddy called after Aaron with a slight loud voice alerting the three friends who were sitting behind him.

"Yeah I promised but not here. I'll tell you everything in the back room." Aaron tried to speak through his gritted teeth to avoid anyone accidentally listening in on their conversation but that didn't stop you-know-who. As soon as he heard "I'll tell you everything." Robert sprung his full attention onto the two now speeding off into the back. The ease he once felt with Chrissie when first entering the pub had now turned into discomfort. He swallowed his pride preparing him for the battle yet to follow then he too aimlessly shifted into the back room. He instinctively knew this wasn't going to end well but he didn't know quite how far they would go.


	3. It's him…

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> With Robert's looming presence clouding over him Aaron cannot bring himself to tell Paddy his part in Katie's death but with Paddy pressing at him he finally confesses another secret but how will Paddy react?

Paddy was led by Aaron to the small dinning table in the back room and as Aaron sat down at the chair with his back to the door entrance from the pub Paddy plumped himself down opposite facing the door from the pub. Aaron was about to take a deep breathe to prepare himself for confessing to Paddy before they were interrupted.

"Eh, Diane is in the front. Did you not see her?" Paddy called over to Robert who was lurking by the door causing Aaron's heart to drop. Aaron was hoping to tell Paddy the awful truth about Katie's death and how he cleaned up erasing any proof that identified both Robert and himself being there then everything would've been easier for him to cope with but not now. Things were about to get a hell of a lot worse now that Robert knew Aaron was keen on spilling the beans. 

"It's just, we were having a private conversation." Paddy gestured his hand over towards Aaron hinting for confirmation from him before Robert instinctively butt in.

"I wasn't here to see Diane I came through because I know exactly what he's going to do." Robert glowered at Aaron who reacted sheepishly tilting his look towards his feet leaving a confused Paddy.

"What does that mean, Aaron? Have you done some dodgy deal with him because there's always Cain, you know that?" Paddy was left hanging as the two men just stared. Robert at Aaron and Aaron at the floor.

"Well, tell him then if you're so eager." Robert stepped over and gently nudged Aaron who just glimpsed over at Paddy then resorted back to the floor. Robert then took a seat between the two as Aaron refused to part with any information. 

Paddy knew there was something hiding between the lines between the both of them and given Paddy knew about Robert's past he needed to get to the bottom of what Robert had on Aaron or vice versa so the only way he knew was through Aaron and he certainly wasn't going to share anything with Robert slithering his way in so Paddy did what Paddy did best, a part from sticking his arm up a cow's rear end of course, "I'm sorry Robert but can you just leave because Aaron clearly doesn't feel comfortable and after the past couple weeks you should surely understand with Andy so please can you go?"

Robert sat looking flabbergasted in response with his natural urge to fight back but the only other instinct stronger was his need to keep everyone completely unaware of his doings so the only thing he could do was leave. Reluctantly so. "Alright, just remember he had the option to back out." 

\-------------------------------

He then left rejoining Chrissie who had now been blessed with the presences of both Lawrence and Lachlan. It wasn't much of a blessing for Robert though.

"I thought you were going over to talk to Diane but then you passed and went into the back. What were you doing?" Chrissie asked simply out of curiosity but with the giant crater Robert has now dug up for himself he felt as though she was interrogating him.

"Nothing. I just got a small email regarding the scrapyard so I went to see Aaron as I had the chance." Robert wore a fake smile to try to convince Chrissie yet she kept prodding.

"If it was insignificant why did you have to rush off to see him?"

"It was just a small question regarding the scrapyard bank details and my share. If I hadn't done it then I would've forgotten." Robert snapped back with a sense of panic.

"Alright. Don't need to get your knickers in a twist." Chrissie replied jokingly which eased Robert slightly but unfortunately for him someone else picked up the panicked tone. Lawrence.

"Surely they would've emailed them about that?" Lawrence asked patiently and calmly yet giving out a nagging vibe.

"Maybe they lost their email address. I don't know, do I?" Robert answered still wearing the phoney smile.

Lawrence let the whole subject slip but he knew there was something else up. He took a drink from his alcoholic beverage then locked his sight onto the isolated man nursing his pint in one hand with his phone in the other. He thought the plan he had been building on involving the help off the single man, also known as Ross Barton, would soon be taken into action.

\-------------------------------------

"There's no point in hiding things now because Mr I'm-Too-Good-For-You-Village-Folk Sugden ruined it for you now just tell me what is happening." The patience within Paddy was now starting to take a toll especially on Aaron.

"Just leave it will ya! Like you said its nothing Cain can't handle." Tears were now forming in Aaron's eyes. Mainly through the frustration of the argument but also through telling yet another lie and to Paddy of all people.

"No, Aaron, I won't 'just leave it'" Paddy mimics Aaron's voice with patronising hand gestures. Aaron frowns at Paddy losing the fight with his tears allowing them to fall down his cheek. Paddy registered the tears sliding down Aaron's face alerting him to lighten his tone of voice. "I care about you Aaron and I need you to tell me what's happening that you can't fix."

Aaron sits quietly staring blankly into nowhere whilst Paddy patiently waits with confidence in Aaron to admit to him what has been festering away at him to reach this point.

"Is it to do with the scrapyard? Has Robert brought in the wrong type of the client who is threatening you and Adam's business?" Paddy asked hesitantly with a face that resembled the look of concern from a dog with puppy eyes. 

Aaron couldn't help but think about Robert every single time his name was brought up no matter in what context. He was getting tired of it. Aaron instantly remembered back to that moment in one of the old barns at the Barton's farm. He wished so much to go back to that point and tell himself not to bother and just let Robert grass him and Ross to the police. It would be far better than then mess he's in now. Anything would be better than living with what he has to live. 

Paddy was observing Aaron's face change as soon as he mentioned his theory. Aaron clicked on to what Paddy was doing and knew there was no getting out of it without feeling even more guilty for lying to Paddy. "No. Ross and I were in the barn up at Adam's with Robert's car and he caught us. GPS tracking or somethin' like that." Aaron told the truth for the first time in quite a while which satisfied his head for a few seconds before reality kicked in again and realised he couldn't tell Paddy the whole truth. He couldn't face the disappointment in Paddy's eyes if he knew about the staged robbery he participated in so Aaron dragged out the truth a bit. "He's threatening to report us to the police and with my record I'm amazed I've skived jail every time but I ain't got a hope in hell with Ross also being involved." It was the truth Aaron was telling he just didn't mention the staged robbery and acted like this was a current affair as opposed to it actually occurring about 5 months back. 

Paddy clearly wasn't buying the story at this point. "Then why does he not want you to tell anyone if it was his car you were stealing?"

"He's blackmailing Ross and I to do jobs in town to reduce the competition with his business." Aaron's body temperature began rising through panic and guilt.

"Surely you could get Cain involved with that. I'm not encouraging his behaviour but he would get you out of this mess no doubt about that." Paddy had a feeling there was more to the story than what Aaron was letting on. 

"Paddy, I'm twenty three now I don't need someone to clean up after me every time I've made a mess. I can do it myself." Aaron defended himself as he genuinely felt offended that Paddy believed he couldn't handle receiving threats from Robert Posh Boy Sugden. 

"I'm not saying you need someone to hold your hand all the time I'm only suggesting that if you really do feel this badly about it then you can ask Cain for some guidance at least."

"Just leave it, Paddy!" Aaron barked back as the pressure kept building and building and building until he couldn't stand it. Aaron was sick of people telling him all his problems were fixable. All he could think about was his problem with covering Katie's death. He couldn't fix that. If anyone, especially Chas, knew what he had done he would be the village dirt. No one would give him a passing glance. 

"No I won't bloody leave it. If need be I'll sort Robert out myself after all I am a vet I know, I know…I know things." 

"Don't you dare! You'll only make things worse." Aaron pleaded with Paddy not to go storming over to Home Farm causing grief.

"Then be the bigger man and accept the consequences from doing it." Paddy responded by begging Aaron to do the right thing for a change.

"Oh and then have Ross down my throat making these stupid comments about me being a coward generally relating back to Jackson. No thanks!" The thought of Jackson was the tip of the iceberg for Aaron. He was now fully fuelled to start an argument which could only end badly for him.

"Well you leave me with no choice then." Paddy pushed himself up from the table and chair and marched towards the back door. "I'm going to see Robert now and you're not going to stop me." Paddy didn't really know how he would approach Robert about the situation but he was trusting that the threat would be enough to push Aaron to do the right thing. To his dismay it backfired.

"Oh and how exactly are you gonna do that?" It was all just venomous rage that was spilling out from Aaron's mouth now.

"I'll call Cain. He'll know what to do." By the stern look that was now being directed fully towards Paddy, straight in the eyes by Aaron, he knew he had pushed some buttons.

"Don't you dare!" Aaron himself now surged out of his seat beginning to lose meaning and sight to the point of their argument.

"Why?!" Paddy was treading carefully but was not so keen on the idea of giving up on finding out what else Aaron was hiding from him. Aaron scowled menacingly with no words passing his lips.

"Why shouldn't I dare, Aaron?" Paddy's courageous self was now dying out with his worry for Aaron now overpowering him. Aaron again never answered he just removed his stare from Paddy and fixated it onto a picture of the Dingles trying to calm himself down. Unsurprisingly so, his attempt to cool down wasn't working. He just couldn't stop thinking about Robert. Even now after everything that has happened after Katie he still wanted to protect him.

Paddy pushed again for a response interrupting Aaron mid thought. "Why don't you want me to?"

Aaron slowly revealed his face which was now bright red like a tomato with tears streaming down like a waterfall, different from earlier when they were merely droplets. "Because I love him." Aaron's admission sealed it. He couldn't go back on what he said. He couldn't do that to himself. The fear of what Robert will do once he discovers he has told Paddy now hovers over him including everything else in his messed up mind.

"You love him?" Paddy couldn't register what Aaron had told him. He first thought Aaron was referring to Ross. But he knew Aaron loved a married man so that ruled him out but not Robert. Never in a million years would he have thought the mystery man to be Robert Sugden. "Robert Sugden is the married man you love?"

Aaron nodded he didn't know what else to say or do. He sat back down on his chair burying is face in between the clasp of his hands.

"I thought this bloke was married to another man." The pair sat in silence contemplating what to say next. Paddy had never felt this awkward in a long time. He placed himself on the arm of the settee. "So how long has the affair been going on for? 

"Just over two months." Aaron practically squeaked. He could barely bring himself to talk never mind look at Paddy in the eyes.

"How did it all start? If you don't mind me asking." Paddy was puzzled. He had no idea how to deal with this bombshell but didn't want Aaron to think he was ashamed of him by leaving or sitting in silence for too long.

"He got my number from Victoria and made up some story about his car breaking down. It was my day off as well." Aaron tried to control his breathing and fight back the tears before continuing. "I should've clicked on that it was bullshit seeing as he was a mechanic as well but after a good 5 minutes or so of rambling riddles I was just about to get back in the truck when he swung me back around and grabbed my face then, annoyingly so, placed possibly one of the best kisses I've ever experienced in the whole of my miserable existence." Reminiscing that day did nothing other than bring more tears to Aaron causing him to uncontrollably sob for air.

Without hesitation Paddy grabbed the chair Robert had previously sat on and dragged it directly next to Aaron's and sat himself upon it before grabbing Aaron into one of his famous comforting daddy bear hugs. Paddy gently rocked Aaron backwards and forwards in his arms to restrain him from feeling down much longer. 

Ten minutes later Aaron's phone goes off disrupting their peaceful scene. It's a text from Adam.   
*So much for being at the pub "mate"*  
"I've gotta go. Adam's looking for me. I already bailed on him this morning at the scrapyard." Aaron states whilst wiping his face with the sleeve of his black hoody.

"You can't go to the scrapyard like that. Why don't you just take the rest of the day off to clear your thoughts. I'll pop by and tell Adam you're not feeling so grand." Paddy could tell Aaron was not fit for any type of work so manual labour was definitely out of the question. He didn't want Aaron handling any tools and getting any ideas was the truth but he certainly wasn't going to say that to Aaron.

"I'm not that bad, am I?" Aaron felt a sense of embarrassment that he'd let anyone see him in such a state even Paddy.

"No I just thought he might want to calm down a little. You might appreciate the day off just watching the footie or what not." 

"Okay." Aaron couldn't argue. His heart-to-heart with Paddy may have soothed him but only temporarily. He knew as soon as he stepped foot in the scrapyard Adam would have a go sending him straight back to that blacked mass that was herding around his thoughts last night. "Suppose you're right."

"Of course I'm right. I'm always right just don't tell Rhona that said that." Paddy was about to leave to let Aaron settle down so thought it would be best to try and lighten the mood. "I'll see you later then." He walked back out from the pub purposely so he could eye up Robert on the way out but decided against it as it would only cause things to worsen between him and Aaron, after all, he did want Aaron to calm himself down and leave him to clear his thoughts over Aaron. If he gave the slightest indication to Robert that he knew something then chances are that Robert would traipse back through and mess Aaron up even more. So Paddy just walked out through the pub saying goodbye to Diane as he walked out before heading over to the scrapyard - well that was until an angry Rhona came flying straight up to him before he put his two feet over onto the slab outside the pub door. 

"Where the hell have you been? You said you were going for a quick lunch. What time do you call this?" Rhona's scream went right through Paddy like claws scratching down a chalkboard. 

"I was in having lunch with Aaron. Time just flew in." Paddy pleaded before realising it just made Rhona's temper worse. Rhona pinched the top of Paddy's ear then pulled him along next to her as they sprinted back over to the vets. "I've got to go and pop into the scrapyard for a few seconds for Aaron's sake." Paddy somehow manages to speak out whilst clambering alongside Rhona.

"No you don't. You have a vets to run with Vanessa and I have a toddler to look after!" Paddy knew when enough was enough with Rhona. She always got the last word in. That was one of the reasons he loved her. He didn't really like it when women let him do whatever. He liked to have so guidelines, however, as Paddy got on with his work he couldn't shake off the one question whirling around his brain; "If Robert is the man he loves the why doesn't he go to the police and apologise to him or does Aaron see Robert's dirty small jobs to manipulate, not only Aaron but competitors in his frame of work, as a way of getting close to him?" Things didn't quite add up rightly but Paddy left it be because Aaron had been pushed into confessing so much already he couldn't keep on nagging at him. This information was enough for him now but he knew he would have to pass it on to Chas at some point so focused on preparing himself to do so because as soon as she learns the truth there will be no turning back for anyone involved with either Aaron or Robert.

Back in the back room of the pub, Aaron was lying down on the couch staring at the ceiling. Turns out he was probably better going off to work because the thoughts that were circling around his brain were particularly unpleasant. Not only was he holding himself guilty for Katie's death and his affair with Robert but now he was regretting telling Paddy about the affair not knowing what Robert would do to him, or worse, Paddy. He didn't like lying to Paddy either. The staged burglary was the least of his problems but confiding in Paddy about that could've been the key to his good health. If he had told Paddy that then he still would've been supportive and helped Aaron through it. Aaron knew that but not when he was faced with the opportunity to actually admit it. He thought himself a coward and a pathetic one at that. Aaron glanced over at the kitchen worktop and stared at the knife stand hold several sized knives. Maybe this was the key to good health. He wouldn't feel the way he did now and it certainly wouldn't hurt anyone else. He sought a ticket out of the darkness and here he thought he had found it.


End file.
